YES!

Hold on by Alabama Shakes!!  Great stuff!!!

Hayes Carll

What a week!

My free time is now completely gone!  I am not sure how long I will be able to keep it up at the ER.  I love it there, and I really don't want to quit, but man, working all day and then going there is tough!  

Mornings are still really rough.  I thought by the end of the second week we would be pretty skilled at it and have a nice routine worked out!  HA!  Friday was the worst!  I was getting coats ready and Chris was combing Soph's hair, and we heard Jack start cracking up.  I turned around to see the bathroom door had been left open, and Jack was standing in the toilet splashing like he was in a mud puddle.  Of course, it is 3 minutes before we need to be out the door, and his feet and pants are soaked, so he had to be changed and we had to dig out another pair of shoes, which are never where they should be.  Because it is a new job and I cannot be late, Chris told me to leave and he would handle it.  Even though I knew it was a bad idea, I rushed out the door.  I picked the kids up after a pretty sucktacular day at work and found Jack with two left shoes on.  UGH.  Talk about a proud mama moment. 

There is a maddening amount of construction outside of the training.  On Wednesday there was literally 2+ hours of jack hammering.  I really wanted to drop my monitor out the 3rd floor window onto their heads!  Holy freaking annoying!

Jackie got sick after the first week of day care of course.  He had a fever of 103 (hard not to sing Hot Blooded every time I mention the fever).  Monday he had to stay home with gramm for the day and Chris took Tuesday off to give him another day home.  He seems much better and thankfully (knock on wood) nobody else got it.  He is getting better at drop offs I think.  Instead of crying, his lip quivers and he gives an icy stare.  Not sure if that's better or worse.

I signed my first permission slip for Miss Sophie.  She is going on a field trip to the Community Arts Center next month.  She is very excited and I am very sad I cannot be a chaperone!  Hopefully by the next time I will have some vacation time.  They spent last week learning about Johnny Appleseed.  They took apple treats in.  Soph chose Apple cider bread and apple butter for on it.

OH, and onto the sheer crappy-ness of yesterday, I updated my phone and lost all my stinking pictures.  I made sure to back it up before starting the download, but when I went to restore from back up it said the last back up failed.  Of course, we went to the fair before I did this so I lost all of the fair pictures.  DAMN THE iPHONE!  I hate it.  I cannot wait to get the upgrade, I am doing a Galaxy I think.  I am just not happy with the iPhone and I haven't been since I got it and yesterday was the final straw.

Visiting Grammy and Pappy today, Dexter tonight if I can stay awake, and back to the grind tomorrow! And with that, I am off!

Love it

Day 2 of life change complete

Well, we all made it through day 2 of our massive changes.  So far, I can't say anything about the job.  Day 1 was all benefits and movies about harassment, day  2 was passwords and logging on to the systems.  So I still have no clue about the actual job.  I can however log on to the systems to do the job, I guess that is the first step right?

Jackie did pretty good the first day.  He was very happy to see us, but got whiny when we put him in the car.  I think he would like to stay there, but would prefer that we stay there with him.  To be fair, I would prefer that too.  Today, he only went for a half day.  He went to the ENT doctor for a 6 month follow up on his tubes.  Doctor said the ears and tubes look great.  At Chris's insistence, Dr. Bruce agreed to do a hearing test.  That is next Thursday.  I really feel like there is nothing wrong with his hearing, but it will make Chris feel better, so we will do it.

Soph is no longer angry about the before and after school program.  She loves it and never wants to leave.  She made a new friend.  A little boy asked if they could be friends, Soph said sure, then he asked if they could be "best friends".  She is so happy.

Final Weekend

It is my final weekend before I become a full time working woman again.  AHHHHH!  I am still so nervous and anxious over Jackie in daycare.  I took him over Thursday to check it out and hang out.  He was very nervous at first, but within five minutes, he waved at me and said bye.  Then, when it was actually time to leave he threw himself to the ground and cried because he wanted to stay.  I watched other kids being picked up crying because they didn't want to leave either.  I guess that is a good sign right?  

Chris surprised me, well he tried to surprise me with a night away.  Of course, Chris cannot keep secrets and I cannot stand the suspense, so I figured it out.  We went to the Welmont Theater in Montclair, New Jersey to see the Jayhawks with Hayes Carll opening for them!  It was an incredible show!!  The Jayhawks were the first real concert I ever went to.  They opened for Tom Petty at the Spectrum in Philly in 1995.  That is the last time I saw them live.  They have aged since then...  oh wait, so have I!  Hard to believe it has been 17 years!!  I had never really listened to Hayes Carll, but I feel the need to mention that he blew me away!  I really like him!  We also were able to stop at Holsten's, the famous Soprano ending happened there.   We got to have a nice breakfast with Mike and Cathy and then we rushed home since Jessie was babysitting and had to go to work.

Now I plan to relax and do nothing until my alarm goes off Monday morning at 6AM!  WOW, a real job...

Bill is still the man!

Because I am tired, I am just posting my favorite parts:


We're here to nominate a president, and I've got one in mind.
I want to nominate a man whose own life has known its fair share of adversity and uncertainty. A man who ran for president to change the course of an already weak economy and then just six weeks before the election, saw it suffer the biggest collapse since the Great Depression. A man who stopped the slide into depression and put us on the long road to recovery, knowing all the while that no matter how many jobs were created and saved, there were still millions more waiting, trying to feed their children and keep their hopes alive.
I want to nominate a man cool on the outside but burning for America on the inside. A man who believes we can build a new American Dream economy driven by innovation and creativity, education and cooperation. A man who had the good sense to marry Michelle Obama.
I want Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States and I proudly nominate him as the standard bearer of the Democratic Party.
In Tampa, we heard a lot of talk about how the president and the Democrats don't believe in free enterprise and individual initiative, how we want everyone to be dependent on the government, how bad we are for the economy.
The Republican narrative is that all of us who amount to anything are completely self-made. One of our greatest Democratic chairmen, Bob Strauss, used to say that every politician wants you to believe he was born in a log cabin he built himself, but it ain't so.
We Democrats think the country works better with a strong middle class, real opportunities for poor people to work their way into it and a relentless focus on the future, with business and government working together to promote growth and broadly shared prosperity. We think "we're all in this together" is a better philosophy than "you're on your own."
Who's right? Well, since 1961, the Republicans have held the White House 28 years, the Democrats 24. In those 52 years, our economy produced 66 million private sector jobs. What's the jobs score? Republicans 24 million, Democrats 42 million.
It turns out that advancing equal opportunity and economic empowerment is both morally right and good economics, because discrimination, poverty and ignorance restrict growth, while investments in education, infrastructure and scientific and technological research increase it, creating more good jobs and new wealth for all of us.
Though I often disagree with Republicans, I never learned to hate them the way the far right that now controls their party seems to hate President Obama and the Democrats. After all, President Eisenhower sent federal troops to my home state to integrate Little Rock Central High and built the interstate highway system. And as governor, I worked with President Reagan on welfare reform and with President George H.W. Bush on national education goals. I am grateful to President George W. Bush for PEPFAR, which is saving the lives of millions of people in poor countries and to both Presidents Bush for the work we've done together after the South Asia tsunami, Hurricane Katrina and the Haitian earthquake.
Through my foundation, in America and around the world, I work with Democrats, Republicans and Independents who are focused on solving problems and seizing opportunities, not fighting each other.
When times are tough, constant conflict may be good politics but in the real world, cooperation works better. After all, nobody's right all the time, and a broken clock is right twice a day. All of us are destined to live our lives between those two extremes. Unfortunately, the faction that now dominates the Republican Party doesn't see it that way. They think government is the enemy, and compromise is weakness.
One of the main reasons America should re-elect President Obama is that he is still committed to cooperation. He appointed Republican secretaries of defense, the army and transportation. He appointed a vice president who ran against him in 2008, and trusted him to oversee the successful end of the war in Iraq and the implementation of the recovery act. And Joe Biden did a great job with both. He appointed Cabinet members who supported Hillary in the primaries. Heck, he even appointed Hillary. I'm so proud of her and grateful to our entire national security team for all they've done to make us safer and stronger and to build a world with more partners and fewer enemies. I'm also grateful to the young men and women who serve our country in the military and to Michelle Obama and Jill Biden for supporting military families when their loved ones are overseas and for helping our veterans, when they come home bearing the wounds of war, or needing help with education, housing, and jobs.
President Obama's record on national security is a tribute to his strength, and judgment, and to his preference for inclusion and partnership over partisanship.
He also tried to work with congressional Republicans on health care, debt reduction, and jobs, but that didn't work out so well. Probably because, as the Senate Republican leader, in a remarkable moment of candor, said two years before the election, their No. 1 priority was not to put America back to work, but to put President Obama out of work.
Senator, I hate to break it to you, but we're going to keep President Obama on the job.
In Tampa, the Republican argument against the president's re-election was pretty simple: we left him a total mess, he hasn't cleaned it up fast enough, so fire him and put us back in.
In order to look like an acceptable alternative to President Obama, they couldn't say much about the ideas they have offered over the last two years. You see they want to go back to the same old policies that got us into trouble in the first place: to cut taxes for high income Americans even more than President Bush did; to get rid of those pesky financial regulations designed to prevent another crash and prohibit future bailouts; to increase defense spending $2 trillion more than the Pentagon has requested without saying what they'll spend the money on; to make enormous cuts in the rest of the budget, especially programs that help the middle class and poor kids. As another president once said— there they go again.
I like the argument for President Obama's re-election a lot better. He inherited a deeply damaged economy, put a floor under the crash, began the long hard road to recovery, and laid the foundation for a modern, more well-balanced economy that will produce millions of good new jobs, vibrant new businesses, and lots of new wealth for the innovators.
Are we where we want to be? No. Is the president satisfied? No. Are we better off than we were when he took office, with an economy in free fall, losing 750,000 jobs a month. The answer is yes.
I understand the challenge we face. I know many Americans are still angry and frustrated with the economy. Though employment is growing, banks are beginning to lend and even housing prices are picking up a bit, too many people don't feel it.
I experienced the same thing in 1994 and early 1995. Our policies were working and the economy was growing but most people didn't feel it yet. By 1996, the economy was roaring, halfway through the longest peacetime expansion in American history.
President Obama started with a much weaker economy than I did. No president— not me or any of my predecessors could have repaired all the damage in just four years. But conditions are improving and if you'll renew the President's contract you will feel it.
I believe that with all my heart.
President Obama's approach embodies the values, the ideas, and the direction America must take to build a 21st century version of the American Dream in a nation of shared opportunities, shared prosperity and shared responsibilities.
So back to the story. In 2010, as the president's recovery program kicked in, the job losses stopped and things began to turn around.
The Recovery Act saved and created millions of jobs and cut taxes for 95 percent of the American people. In the last 29 months the economy has produced about 4.5 million private sector jobs. But last year, the Republicans blocked the president's jobs plan costing the economy more than a million new jobs. So here's another jobs score: President Obama plus 4.5 million, congressional Republicans zero.
Over that same period, more than more than 500,000 manufacturing jobs have been created under President Obama— the first time manufacturing jobs have increased since the 1990s.
The auto industry restructuring worked. It saved more than a million jobs, not just at GM, Chrysler and their dealerships, but in auto parts manufacturing all over the country. That's why even auto-makers that weren't part of the deal supported it. They needed to save the suppliers too. Like I said, we're all in this together.
Now there are 250,000 more people working in the auto industry than the day the companies were restructured. Gov. Romney opposed the plan to save GM and Chrysler. So here's another jobs score: Obama 250,000, Romney, zero.
The agreement the administration made with management, labor and environmental groups to double car mileage over the next few years is another good deal: it will cut your gas bill in half, make us more energy independent, cut greenhouse gas emissions, and add another 500,000 good jobs.
President Obama's "all of the above" energy plan is helping too— the boom in oil and gas production combined with greater energy efficiency has driven oil imports to a near 20 year low and natural gas production to an all-time high. Renewable energy production has also doubled.
We do need more new jobs, lots of them, but there are already more than three million jobs open and unfilled in America today, mostly because the applicants don't have the required skills. We have to prepare more Americans for the new jobs that are being created in a world fueled by new technology. That's why investments in our people are more important than ever. The president has supported community colleges and employers in working together to train people for open jobs in their communities. And, after a decade in which exploding college costs have increased the drop-out rate so much that we've fallen to 16th in the world in the percentage of our young adults with college degrees, his student loan reform lowers the cost of federal student loans and even more important, gives students the right to repay the loans as a fixed percentage of their incomes for up to 20 years. That means no one will have to drop-out of college for fear they can't repay their debt, and no one will have to turn down a job, as a teacher, a police officer or a small town doctor because it doesn't pay enough to make the debt payments. This will change the future for young Americans.
I know we're better off because President Obama made these decisions.
That brings me to health care.
The Republicans call it Obamacare and say it's a government takeover of health care that they'll repeal. Are they right? Let's look at what's happened so far. Individuals and businesses have secured more than a billion dollars in refunds from their insurance premiums because the new law requires 80 percent to 85 pecent of your premiums to be spent on health care, not profits or promotion. Other insurance companies have lowered their rates to meet the requirement. More than 3 million young people between 19 and 25 are insured for the first time because their parents can now carry them on family policies. Millions of seniors are receiving preventive care including breast cancer screenings and tests for heart problems. Soon the insurance companies, not the government, will have millions of new customers many of them middle class people with pre-existing conditions. And for the last two years, health care spending has grown under 4 pecent, for the first time in 50 years.
So are we all better off because President Obama fought for it and passed it? You bet we are.
There were two other attacks on the president in Tampa that deserve an answer. Both Gov. Romney and congressman Ryan attacked the president for allegedly robbing Medicare of $716 billion. Here's what really happened. There were no cuts to benefits. None. What the president did was save money by cutting unwarranted subsidies to providers and insurance companies that weren't making people any healthier. He used the saving to close the donut hole in the Medicare drug program, and to add eight years to the life of the Medicare Trust Fund. It's now solvent until 2024. So President Obama and the Democrats didn't weaken Medicare, they strengthened it.
When congressman Ryan looked into the TV camera and attacked President Obama's "biggest coldest power play" in raiding Medicare, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. You see, that $716 billion is exactly the same amount of Medicare savings congressman Ryan had in his own budget.
At least on this one, Gov. Romney's been consistent. He wants to repeal the savings and give the money back to the insurance companies, re-open the donut hole and force seniors to pay more for drugs, and reduce the life of the Medicare Trust Fund by eight years. So now if he's elected and does what he promised Medicare will go broke by 2016. If that happens, you won't have to wait until their voucher program to begins in 2023 to see the end Medicare as we know it.
But it gets worse. They also want to block grant Medicaid and cut it by a third over the coming decade. Of course, that will hurt poor kids, but that's not all. Almost two-thirds of Medicaid is spent on nursing home care for seniors and on people with disabilities, including kids from middle class families, with special needs like, Down syndrome or autism. I don't know how those families are going to deal with it. We can't let it happen
Now let's look at the Republican charge that President Obama wants to weaken the work requirements in the welfare reform bill I signed that moved millions of people from welfare to work.
Here's what happened. When some Republican governors asked to try new ways to put people on welfare back to work, the Obama administration said they would only do it if they had a credible plan to increase employment by 20 percent. You hear that? More work. So the claim that President Obama weakened welfare reform's work requirement is just not true. But they keep running ads on it. As their campaign pollster said "we're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers." Now that is true. I couldn't have said it better myself— I just hope you remember that every time you see the ad.
Let's talk about the debt. We have to deal with it or it will deal with us. President Obama has offered a plan with $4 trillion in debt reduction over a decade, with $2 of spending reductions for every $1 of revenue increases, and tight controls on future spending. It's the kind of balanced approach proposed by the bipartisan Simpson-Bowles commission.
I think the president's plan is better than the Romney plan, because the Romney plan fails the first test of fiscal responsibility: The numbers don't add up.
It's supposed to be a debt reduction plan but it begins with $5 trillion in tax cuts over a 10-year period. That makes the debt hole bigger before they even start to dig out. They say they'll make it up by eliminating loopholes in the tax code. When you ask "which loopholes and how much?" they say, "See me after the election on that."
People ask me all the time how we delivered four surplus budgets. What new ideas did we bring? I always give a one-word answer: arithmetic. If they stay with a $5 trillion tax cut in a debt reduction plan— the— arithmetic tells us that one of three things will happen:
1) they'll have to eliminate so many deductions like the ones for home mortgages and charitable giving that middle class families will see their tax bill go up $2,000 year while people making over $3 million a year get will still get a 250,000 dollar tax cut; or
2) they'll have to cut so much spending that they'll obliterate the budget for our national parks, for ensuring clean air, clean water, safe food, safe air travel; or they'll cut way back on Pell Grants, college loans, early childhood education and other programs that help middle class families and poor children, not to mention cutting investments in roads, bridges, science, technology and medical research; or
3) they'll do what they've been doing for thirty plus years now— cut taxes more than they cut spending, explode the debt, and weaken the economy. Remember, Republican economic policies quadrupled the debt before I took office and doubled it after I left. We simply can't afford to double-down on trickle-down.
President Obama's plan cuts the debt, honors our values, and brightens the future for our children, our families and our nation.
My fellow Americans, you have to decide what kind of country you want to live in. If you want a you're on your own, winner take all society you should support the Republican ticket. If you want a country of shared opportunities and shared responsibilities— a "we're all in it together" society, you should vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden. If you want every American to vote and you think it's wrong to change voting procedures just to reduce the turnout of younger, poorer, minority and disabled voters, you should support Barack Obama. If you think the president was right to open the doors of American opportunity to young immigrants brought here as children who want to go to college or serve in the military, you should vote for Barack Obama. If you want a future of shared prosperity, where the middle class is growing and poverty is declining, where the American Dream is alive and well, and where the United States remains the leading force for peace and prosperity in a highly competitive world, you should vote for Barack Obama.
I love our country— and I know we're coming back. For more than 200 years, through every crisis, we've always come out stronger than we went in. And we will again as long as we do it together. We champion the cause for which our founders pledged their lives, their fortunes, their sacred honor— to form a more perfect union.
If that's what you believe, if that's what you want, we have to re-elect President Barack Obama.
God bless you — God bless America.

Oh Shit, that's the whole thing...  Yeah, that's right, Bill is THE MAN!

DNC

The First Lady

Today has been surprisingly ok.  Despite only getting only 4.5 hours of sleep.  Sophie went to school on the bus again.  Jackie stayed asleep until almost 9 o'clock!  Anyhow, on to the point, I had an hour or so of alone time and was able to read the highlights of the DNC.  I am completely disgusted by the people who call Michelle Obama "Moochelle".  Even if you disagree with her, how disrespectful and rude.  The Repubs and Dems should be on the same page with bullying and being disrespectful to woman.  Fact is, Michelle is beautiful, madly in love with her husband, and a great mother and role model to her daughters.  That alone is something to be said.  Even if you disagree with their policies and you get all of your news from Faux, there is no denying that she is a loyal wife, a great mother, and an eloquent speaker.  I think their were so many comments calling her "Moochelle" because they didn't have anything else negative to say so they hit her where all women can be hit by knocking her for her weight.  Do you say those things in front of your wife, your daughters, your mothers or are you a mother, grandmother, sister?  Perhaps you should take some advice from Michelle Obama, the First Lady, and treat your family and all woman with respect.

Quotes from the First Lady:

"We learned about dignity and decency – that how hard you work matters more than how much you make...that helping others means more than just getting ahead yourself."

Proud Family

"And he believes that women are more than capable of making our own choices about our bodies and our health care…that’s what my husband stands for."

"I love that for Barack, there is no such thing as 'us' and 'them' – he doesn’t care whether you’re a Democrat, a Republican, or none of the above…he knows that we all love our country…and he’s always ready to listen to good ideas…he’s always looking for the very best in everyone he meets."

She is extraordinary!

School Bus

Today at about 8AM Soph, Chris, and I went outside to wait for the school bus.  Jack slept through the excitement.  At 8:09AM, my little girl turned once to give me a smile and marched onto the school bus.  We watched as she went about half way to the back and chose a seat next to a little boy.  She waved as the bus pulled away.  I thought dropping her off was hard!  This was way worse.  Now I kind of want to call the school and make sure she got off the bus and made it to her room.  I will be a nervous wreck until she gets home.  

Another question completely unrelated, can I wear white after Labor Day, or is there still some rule about that?  I love my white pants this year.

Ooh New Music!

LOVE THEM!  They are called Middle Brother.  They are a little Jayhawks like.  It's a guy from Dawes, Deer Tick, and Delta Spirit.  Check them out!!!

Day 2 of Kindergarten

Sophie was annoyed with me because I took her to school today. She wanted to ride the bus.  After a long discussion she finally agrees to letting me take her, but I was informed that this was the last day and that Tuesday she would be riding the bus.  UGH!  She was also annoyed that I didn't have anything to put in her lunch box.  She told me she liked eating lunch at school, I assumed she would want to buy her lunch today.  This morning as we were walking out the door, she informed me she wanted to pack today.  When I told her we never got a thermos or juice boxes she flipped out.  She, like her mama is not a morning person.  She definitely has a bad attitude.  Hopefully she gets better at school.  I am sure I will be getting a letter telling me to put her to bed earlier!  When I walked her to her classroom, she darted in the door without turning around to say goodbye or give me a hug... It hurt.  She had a playdate here yesterday.  It went surprisingly well.  No fights or issues except when it was time for her friend to go home, then the attitude started from both of them.

Jack and I went to the grocery store and picked up the essentials for packing a lunch.  I am sure because we did this on Tuesday she will not want to pack.  When we got home, I forgot to shut the laundry room door and Jackie of course went in and dumped the dogs food and water all over the floor.  When I escorted him out and cleaned up, I didn't notice the dogs bowls were missing.  After searching the house and still not finding them I went to get a tupperware out to feed and water the dog and I noticed the bowls in the sink.  I guess he felt like they needed to be washed.

I was looking forward to a nice long weekend when I got a call from work asking me to work Sunday morning.  Since we are poor I said yes, so now I have to get up at 6:30 AM on Sunday to go to work.  I have decided this depressing news warrants a night out, so I am heading out for some adult beverages this evening.  That will make me feel all better!

We might be related...

Me rocking the smurfs in 1982!!!  Soph looking good in 2012!

Blah

I am having a blah kind of day...  week even.  I am not sure what is going on.  I am thinking it is all stress related.  New job, kid in Kindergarten, kid getting ready to start full time day care, poor, yeah, it might be stress.  

I am not really worried about the new job.  I think I will understand it and not have a lot of issues, even though I have heard horror stories.  I am older than the last time I learned insurance laws and things most certainly don't click as quickly, I am still confident that I will not have any issues.  Plus, as much as I love being home with the kids, I need a job.  I am just not wired to be a stay at home mom.  (more guilt)

As for Soph being in kindergarten, there is really nothing I can do.  She is definitely very ready.  She needs to meet other kids.  She is on cloud nine, but after just one day I can see the change.  It is only going to get worse.  She will lose her sweetness.  Kids are mean.  First day a mean kid kept kicking her blocks over.  It was a boy, I am sure he liked her, but this is just the beginning of it.

Jackie in full time daycare.  This is the one that is really getting me.  I feel this overwhelming guilt about it.  He will be 19 months and away from us for over 8 hours a day!  Jackie needs to be in daycare, there is no doubt, but I feel horrible about it.  He is still not talking much.  He says Mama, Dada, Bubba, more, pap, up, and makes a da sound for the dog.  That is really about it.  I am sure a lot of it is from his ears.  Since he got tubes, he is definitely more aware of noise.  I think he really couldn't hear for about 5 months until he got the tubes.  He is seeing a speech therapist once a week.  However, I am pretty sure the other reason he doesn't talk is because he doesn't need to.  We cater to him and if we try to get him to talk or use words, Soph gives him what he wants.  He needs to be with other kids his age.

The poor thing, well that is the reason for the job.  It should get better, though it really won't, because we will keep living outside of our means and continue to struggle.  It is our fault and we can fix it if we choose to.  

OK, it is all there.  I feel slightly better just mentioning my issues.  On an unrelated note, Jack came strolling into the living room eating a green pepper like an apple.  Smiling ear to ear.  He was obviously very proud of himself.  the disturbing part is not even that he was eating a green pepper, but that he has to use a stool and climb up on the counter and get it off the window sill above the sink in the kitchen!!  His constant climbing terrifies me!

Class of 2025

Well, today was the day.  Chris, Jackie, and I dropped her off for her first day of Kindergarten.  She was overly excited and I was overly anxious and panic stricken.  I just cannot believe my baby girl is growing up!  School is out at 3PM, I figure I'll go to get her at around 11 or so...

Life is hitting me!

First day of preschool

 So tomorrow Chris and I are going to the school to meet with Sophia's kindergarten teacher.  I am having a meltdown.  To make my self feel better, I read old blog posts.  It is 12:37 AM, every one is asleep and I am sobbing like a baby!  On October 16, 2007 I dropped her off for daycare for the first time.  She was one day shy of being 1 year old.  The title of my post is "Traumatized for Life".  In two days (technically, one because it is now Monday) I will drop her off for her first day of kindergarten.  My baby girl will be in school.  She will have influences in her life other than mine and the ones I choose for her.  She will become her own person and there is nothing I can do about it.  She is so sweet and sensitive.  Kids are little dicks and will hurt her feelings.  She will have her heart broke and hopefully make lasting friendships.  She will know every thing, and I will know nothing.  She will grow and continue to find out who she really is, and I will watch and be proud, but always remember the sweetness and innocence that she has today.  I know it is kindergarten, but it is harder than I had expected.  I see how different she is after spending a few hours one day every other week with a friend.  She is going to spend 8 hours a day away from us.  I am trying not to think about the fact that in just three weeks, Jackie will be going to daycare too.  I need to get past the Sophie issue first, then I will start panicking about my Jackie.  No wonder parents have gray hair and wrinkles.  The stuff I always thought would be hard is not, and the stuff I thought I would be thankful for and ready for is ripping me apart.

2 days before Kindergarten